"It's time to have another baby!" seems to be the words that come to mind whenever I speak to anyone. Anywhere. Any time. Whether I know them or not. It's not so much annoying as it is pressuring. I know I would like to have another baby, but there's a long list of pros and cons that come to mind before I make that leap out of reality and into kiddie +2 world. Well, maybe more cons than pros. Every time I hear "It's time to have another baby!" I can't help but think of the time I put my then 12 month old son in his playard so mommy could take a quick shower. Normally, this worked. He would stay entertained for 5-10 minutes with his Tickle Me Elmo and trucks, all in his playard with him along with some music or Sid the Science Kid on dvd.
I hurried to the bathroom and showered as fast as I could. "Hmm" I thought...it's pretty quiet out there..."Mommy will be right out!" I yelled. We were in the master bedroom so the bathroom is connected. I finished up, put on my robe and stepped out of the bathroom to see my wonderful unclothed son with a handful of poop. As I inched closer I realized not only was it in his hands but it was in his hair, mouth, feet, playard, wall and Elmo. Even Elmo had it in his mouth. He must have shared with Elmo. I just stood there in disbelief, head in hands, when he stuck his tiny poop filled hand out offering me some. With a look on his face that was sweeter than pie. He's a such a good boy and has learned to share very well. I couldn't help but feel some pride that he learned so well, yet slightly maddened at the mess I had to clean.
"Sweetie, mommy loves you. Stop eating it..no! Put it down!" I took a deep breath and held it in (yoga breathing and meditation practices really came in use at this point). For some reason, my mind began drifting off to beautiful beaches and glasses of ice cold white wine. Back to reality, I reached in with all of my strength while fighting back the overwhelming urge to vomit, grabbed him up and took off to the bathtub. I washed his mouth out with water and baby toothpaste, hoping it would rid the poop scented breath my dear sweet son had. After I cleaned him up, next was the playard. I got out the ERGO and strapped him to my back and continued with cleaning. Clorox wipes are essential to parenthood. While cleaning I called the doctor just to make sure he was ok. He suggested I contact poison control...at this point I became a bit nervous.
Poison Control: How may we help you?
Me: My son, he ate...well...he ate-
Poison Control: Poop?
Me: Yes! Will he be ok? Should I take him to the hospital?
Poison Contol: No, he'll be just fine. It's perfectly ok for humans to consume feces from their own body. However, not recommended. He already has the germs and bacteria in his body which came out and he's just eating them again. Like a cycle.
Me: Oh Good! Thank you...
Poison Control: Well, you cleaned him off right? and got it out of his mouth??
Me: Um, of course!
Poison Control: You'd be surprised!
After the hectic evening, I put him to bed. Took another shower and sat on the couch with my thoughts. At that moment I decided no more showers while he waits in the playard. Silly me, just do it all while he sleeps.
Surprisingly, the 20 weeks of bedrest isn't what puts me off as much as the poop covered baby. And poop scented breath.
It's crazy. It's frustrating. It's funny. It's sweet. Sometimes they won't sleep. Sometimes they won't eat. Sometimes they're covered in poop. Sometimes they're sick. With all the good, the bad and the ugly... I'd like to have another.
Just. Not. Now.